Lost Cause
by Ardent Chaos
Summary: After Jack is murdered by SCORPIA, Alex vows revenge. He becomes mentally unstable and he knows it. Blunt thinks he would be a liability and decides to send Alex to Brecon Beacons to stay with the SAS and recover. Can Alex be saved? Or will he remain broken? Warning: Dark!Alex. -Full summary inside. Rating may go up.-
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: Jack Starbright was murdered by SCORPIA. Alex starts to shut down emotionally and slowly gives in to his darker desires that were held back by his conscience before her death. He is aware of his dangerously unstable state of mind but no longer cares for the consequences. Blunt sends Alex to Brecon Beacons to stay with the SAS seeing as he was a liability due to his fragile mental state. Will Alex recover or is he a lost cause?****  
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**Basically, this is another 'Alex-goes-to-BB' fic with a twist. Only this is after Scorpia Rising and is maybe slightly AU as i haven't read the books in a long time.  
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**Warning: Dark!Alex. May have foul language in later chapters. Rating may go up.  
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**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Just my imagination.**

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**Chapter One: Apathy**

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The tension in the air was so palpable that one could taste it had they wished to. The silence reigned in the gray walled office that belonged to a man clad in the boorish color from head to toe. Blunt cleared his throat, in an attempt to control his anger while maintaining his composure, and proceeded to address the seemingly indifferent teenage boy before him. Said boy merely smirked while he sat languidly on the plush swivel chair as he awaited the all too familiar speech that had been delivered by the Head of MI6 repeatedly recently. It was so familiar to him now, that he could even recite it word for word without thinking if he even cared to.

"What in the world were you thinking? You could have endangered the entire operation by being so careless, Alex!" Blunt finally spoke through gritted teeth at the blonde spy after what seemed to be an eternity. His voice retained the same monotone quality he had perfected over the years but the fury that flashed in his eyes were obvious to those who knew what to look for.

Alex simply kept his silence, smirk still on his face, as he tuned out the furious man and looked out the bulletproof windows at the bustling city coming to life in the early hours of the morning below. Blunt's ranting was amusing the first few times Alex had been able to get an answer out of the usually stoic man, but it had lost its charm after awhile.

He knew that he could have gotten those innocent civilians injured or worse due to his careless manner in completing the mission, but he simply didn't care anymore. The hopeful, naïve schoolboy was no more. Alex had become apathetic at best when it came to anything and everything. He didn't even care if he were to die anymore, which resulted in him being seemingly suicidal during missions, pulling risky stunts that no other operative or soldier would have had the courage to do. He had nothing to loose after all.

Alex was snapped out of his reverie when he realized that Mrs Jones had interfered with Blunt's admonishing and it was his cue to speak soon. And as per usual nowadays, he was right again. "Alex," Mrs Jones spoke gently as if talking to a child, "surely you understand how risky the situation was and how unfortunate it could have turned out. What do you have to say for yourself?"

Looking up at the two adults, he made sure his face was carefully blank and devoid of emotions. At least, that was what he wished he could have thought. Instead, it took no real effort for him to express such an emotionless mask at all. It had become his default expression aside from the occasional amusement or irritation after Jack was assassinated. He only had Tom left now and yet Alex was steadily pushing his best friend away. It wasn't on purpose and he would have tried to amend their friendship had he not been so emotionally stunted that he hardly cared. He was slightly saddened that he felt nothing, nothing at all when he thought of the mess his life was or when he thought of death. Not even the price on his head, courtesy of SCORPIA, could make him feel. All he felt was a mild remorse that it should turn out his way and that was all.

"What do you wish for me to say? I've completed the bloody mission. There weren't any casualties. Except those who had an accident with my knife. But aside from that, the mission went on fine. Everything was taken into account." Alex replied nonchalantly with a distinct lack of interest in defending his actions. Once, Alex would have been struck with guilt and grief for taking the life of another human being, however evil they were, but that sentiment was now just a fleeting dream that didn't exist in his current reality. He had danced with Death too often to think much of it.

"You leave me no choice then, Alex. You will be sent to Brecon Beacons to stay until you are able to comprehend how reckless you have been as of late and have repented. You have two days to pack seeing as you may be staying there for a long time." Blunt ordered with a resigned sigh. He was having a lot of headaches recently thanks to one Alex Rider. He had racked his brains, trying to come up with a solution to make Alex revert back to how he was before his guardian had died but so far all his trials and errors were for naught. He couldn't dispose of the boy either. Alex was far too valuable and was sure to create chaos if left alone or if he defected to the hands of some criminal group. The boy was once easy to manipulate. But now, it often seemed as if the tables were turned and that they were walking straight into Alex's traps.

Mrs Jones frowned and was about to protest seeing as it wouldn't be fair on Alex to not finish his schooling. She had always had a soft spot for him; however horrible the sixteen year old acted the past few months after Jack died. She didn't want to take away the last semblance of normalcy from Alex after all the tragedy he had been through in his short life.

Alex surprised them both by nodding pleasantly and an angelic smile crossed his features. Though if you looked closely, you could see that the smile didn't reach his deadened pools of brown. He wasn't one of the best spies in the world for nothing; his acting skills were top notch. "Of course! You're right, Alan. I should go clear my head and top up my training with the SAS. Not a bad arrangement if I may say so myself," he replied lightly in a sugary sweet voice, the pleasant smile still intact. He had taken to using the first name of both Blunt and Mrs Jones whenever he addressed them just to annoy them. "I think I should go now. Need to go to school. Don't wanna be late, after all. See you soon!" he added, and stood up with the grace of a dancer and walked out of the office, leaving the two dumbfounded adults inside the room. They had expected Alex to refuse just as he used to. But they were disappointed once again by Alex's easy acceptance in whatever task they decided to send him to do. He truly had changed.

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Walking out of the Royal and General 'Bank', Alex grinned to himself and started to hum an old lullaby that seemed familiar although he couldn't place where it originated from, as he walked towards his school's direction. He had a car but left it at home seeing as he didn't feel like driving today. It was still rather early and he had more than enough time needed to walk to school at a leisurely pace.

To be honest, he had expected the punishment to be something more... creative. It seems Blunt was steadily running out of ideas on what to do with Alex. But it didn't matter to Alex seeing as he wouldn't have declined to go on another suicide mission anyway. He didn't mind anymore and it gave him a perfectly 'legal' excuse to go on a mad killing spree. After having lost all his inhibitions when it came to murder, Alex even derived pleasure from the act. He also found it fun to retrieve information from his targets by the means of torture, and his methods were very creative indeed. He was even more brutal than SCORPIA's torture expert, Dr. Three. Aside from that, he had also found that he liked receiving pain to a certain degree and could withstand it more so than an average person.

Alex was well aware that he wasn't mentally stable and that his mindset was gradually changing for the worse. He knew that soon he would be just like, or even worse, than the madmen that he had been forced to eliminate when he was still a mere schoolboy in an adults world. But he just didn't care and found it amusing that Mrs Jones would try to get him to speak to psychologists so that he could be 'fixed'. He was well beyond salvageable already. But since Mrs Jones still had some hope left in him, he decided to play along because he knew she truly did care about him. Not many people did nowadays, not that he minded. Most of the psychologists ended up wasting their time and some even had to get psychologists of their own after giving up on Alex. It must have been a novel experience for them.

Around twenty minutes later, Alex had reached Brooklands Comprehensive School and entered the wrought-iron gates into the school grounds. He sauntered through the halls towards his locker and proceeded to put in the combination to open his locker.

It was funny how the whispers and ridiculous rumors still followed him wherever he went inside the school. His peers were a pathetic bunch in Alex's eyes and he saw them as mere children trying to seem all 'grown up' by the way they acted. Not many students dared to be anywhere near his personal bubble aside from Tom but seeing as their friendship was strained recently, Alex was now completely a loner. And it suited him fine.

Sometimes though, the occasional idiot would try to show how brave they were and prove that they were better than everyone else. They would try to confront Alex and always ended up running with their tails between their legs. He didn't fight back when they attacked him, but he loved screwing with their minds and found it was a good exercise for practicing his intimidation skills. Especially since he knew more about them than they did themselves from reading their files; so when he attacked verbally, they would be humiliated and usually wouldn't dare to venture anywhere near him afterwards.

There is an exception to every rule though, and the exception was an idiot named Brandon Phillips. He was one of the most popular guys in the school and would always attempt to make Alex's life a living hell. But Alex usually paid him no mind and ignored him. He had faced far worse and a little boy trying to intimidate him was something he found both amusing and irritating. It was a good thing that Alex had strong self-control. Otherwise, Brandon would have long ended up a corpse dumped somewhere deserted with no means to even trace the murderer.

"Hey, Druggie!" Ah... speak of the devil and he shall appear. Alex turned around to face Brandon and his lackeys with a raised eyebrow, waiting for the idiot to complete his sentence.

"Shouldn't you be hanging with your druggie friends? What are you doing in school?" Brandon sneered and looked at Alex as if he were a detestable bug that needed to be eliminated from the face of the earth.

Alex shrugged and said nothing. The whole scenario was cliché enough as it was. No need to add more drama for the school to gossip about. Seeing that Alex was not rising to the bait, Brandon tried again. "What? Too chicken to say anything? That American slut you live with tired of you yet?"

He may be apathetic towards many things but that didn't mean he couldn't feel emotions completely. Alex was still a little sore about Jack's death and he didn't appreciate anyone insulting her. "You might want to shut up if you'd like to retain the use of your mouth, before I decide to dislocate your jaw." he threatened calmly, his voice entirely devoid of emotion. His face held no expression as he glared at the idiot. Anyone with eyes could see that Alex wasn't joking as he regarded them with a critical eye as if sizing them up like they were his prey.

Brandon and his followers seemed to be able to feel Alex's cold, murderous aura and started to retreat slowly in fear. They had seen him angry before but this was more than just simple anger. Alex exuded the aura of predator ready to pounce at any given moment and the prey in them knew it. They might not be able to understand the reason why, but self-preservation made them want to turn around to flee. Brandon tried to pretend that he wasn't more than just intimidated by Alex's demeanor but the truth was, he was terrified by the dark emotions swirling in those brown orbs that looked as if they belonged to a veteran soldier that had seen too much. "You should just crawl back into the hole you came from, Rider." Brandon retorted before he fled into the relative safety of the classroom, all the while keeping up the act that he was superior to Alex. But everyone in the vicinity could tell that it wasn't the case.

Alex smirked darkly at the retreating figure as the tension rolled off his shoulders. "Too bad, I happen to like it here." he said, mostly to himself although it was in reply to Brandon's retort.

* * *

All throughout his classes, Alex didn't bother to even pretend that he was paying attention. He already knew most of the topics his teachers were teaching and found it a waste of time to listen to something he already knew. He spent his time finishing up the homework that had piled up from his frequent absences. It was easy and he breezed through his work at an astoundingly quick pace, as Alex had studied the subjects with the tutors MI6 had provided to help him catch up. He would be of no use to them uneducated after all.

The teachers had learned to leave him alone where he sat at the back of the class doing his own work seeing as whenever they tried to catch Alex off guard with a sudden question regarding the subject, Alex could answer without hesitation swiftly in a matter of a few seconds. It was the same in every other class he was in. The teachers would ignore Alex while he returned the favor. The same could not be said of his peers however, as they were intent on gossiping about his latest disappearance. Often, Alex would wonder how dense they were to whisper so loudly and the way they glanced at him occasionally while whispering was a dead giveaway. Did they not know of subtlety? He could hear them loud and clear for goodness sake!

Although they probably did have good reason to gossip this time 'round; seeing as Alex had returned in what seemed to be perfect health from his latest mission. What they didn't know was that beneath his long sleeved shirt, a myriad of scars and bruises were added to the collection. They were just minimal enough to not warrant any sort of urgent medical attention as Alex had planned it to happen that way. Most missions rarely caused him to get hurt anymore and he would often deliberately let the 'bad guys' hurt him in some way or another just to satisfy the morbid pleasure he derived from receiving pain. He didn't mind that he had scars marring his once unblemished skin that would probably stay with him permanently throughout his life, as he didn't find them to be repulsive. Instead, he found them to be beautiful in their own distorted way. Before Jack's death however, Alex would have thought of his scars as unwanted trophies and proof that he had survived yet another day.

When the bell rang, signaling that it was time for lunch break, Alex collected his belongings and walked out of the slightly stuffy classroom filled with curious eyes. He didn't wait for Tom anymore. He used to; but had not been doing so for the past three months since Jack was killed by SCORPIA. They made sure he watched as they tortured poor innocent Jack just because she was affiliated to Alex. That was when he let go of his conscience and swore to erase SCORPIA once and for all. Of course, that didn't mean that he would be stupid to think that he could do it alone and in a short amount of time. No. He would do it slowly. Just to strike terror into their hearts as they awaited their turn. Each and everyone that was connected to SCORPIA would face his wrath in a painstakingly slow manner. He would take great delight in watching them squirm.

When Alex entered the cafeteria, many of his peers glanced at him in what seemed to be an attempt to be discreet. Alex just rolled his eyes at the absurdity of it all and strolled over to the line to buy his food. He bought himself an apple and sat in his usual spot in the corner of the room with his back to the wall. His eyes swept through the cafeteria as he observed the mass of teens as they interacted with one another, mild interest shining in his eyes.

Biting into his apple, Alex continued to survey his surroundings for any anomalies by force of habit. He wasn't concentrating on watching a particular person, but from the corner of his eyes, he could see Tom striding over to his table with a determined expression on his face. Alex chomped on the juicy red fruit and waited for Tom to reach his table with a certain degree of wariness. He knew a confrontation was about to occur and he wouldn't run from it, however much he disliked telling people about himself or his problems. Tom was his best friend, so the least he could do was offer an explanation on his sudden change in behavior.

"Alex..." Tom started tentatively as if Alex was made of fragile glass and would break if he said one wrong word. "Why have you suddenly... changed? I know Jack's death was hard on you, but... why are you pushing me away?" The black haired boy rushed on quietly, in a seemingly desperate tone as his blue eyes gazed into Alex's brown ones sincerely. Tom only knew of Jack's death as he had been to the funeral.

Alex chuckled bitterly. "Oh, Tom," he replied with a sardonic smile. "You have no idea, do you?"

"Then tell me! I can't stand it. Not knowing what's wrong with you. I'm supposed to be your best mate! And yet, you seem to be avoiding me. It's been three months, Alex. You've been acting really weird recently. Why are you acting like nothing is wrong?" Tom snapped at the blonde smiling before him.

"That's because nothing is wrong. In fact, everything is as it should be." Alex replied in a gentle tone.

"What do you mean?" Tom demanded with a frown.

"Exactly what I just said, Tom. There is nothing wrong with me. All that has changed is that I've stopped trying to pretend to be something that I am clearly not. I've stopped acting like I care anymore." Alex continued in that same gentle tone that adults often used with little children. Before Tom could say anything more to this new revelation, Alex cut him off by continuing to speak as he ignored the look of horror that was slowly dawning onto Tom's expression as he started to understand the implications behind Alex's words.

"I'll tell you everything, Tom, since I feel as if I owe it to you for being there for me all these while," Nearly everything at least. But Tom didn't need to know that. "They tortured then murdered Jack right in front of me. When she died, I was saddened. But I was also liberated. It seems that her death was all it needed for me to wake up and stop believing in illusions that were never true. I am a weapon. So I decided to do what I was meant to do. SCORPIA will pay, though. And I don't care what happens to the rest of the damned world; but since you are the only one left that means anything to me, I will ensure your safety. You can trust me on that, Tom."

Alex finished with something akin to passion in his cynical words, but they were merely there to convince Tom to leave him be to his own devices and not to interfere. He was a master at manipulating people into getting what he wanted and was not ashamed to use this skill against anyone. At one point where his still had his conscience, Alex would have felt bitter and sad when manipulating people or lying to them. But now he found that there was nothing wrong with doing so, especially since he was so good at it. Why waste such a valuable talent that had saved his life time and time again?

Alex stood up and left the table where Tom was still sitting at, trying to digest the new information. He tossed his unfinished apple into the bin as he passed it on the way out of the cafeteria. Alex paused and looked back at Tom who was staring at him with worry and sadness evident in his clear blue eyes. Shooting a rare genuine smile at his best friend, Alex turned and walked off towards his next class just as the school bell rang.

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The rest of the day went on smoothly. Or at least, as smooth as it can with curious peers trying to not-so-discreetly get an answer out of Alex on what he was up to with all his disappearances and injuries.

Alex, being Alex, was used to being interrogated. The students attempts – at getting answers to sate their curiosity and add more juicy bits to the gossip spreading around the school regarding him – didn't faze him in the slightest. Mostly he treated the rest of the student body as if they were invisible like the air. You knew it was there but you didn't see it.

When school ended, Alex headed straight home. He still lived in the terraced house in Chelsea after Jack died. It was only him now. The house had a lonely feel to it, as if it had been uninhabited for a long time. But that wasn't entirely the case seeing as Alex did live in the house which was filled with bittersweet memories. Every single person in his family was dead. His parents died while on the plane to France due to a bomb, courtesy of Ash, his damned godfather, who was later shot by Ben Daniels. Ian was killed by Yassen Gregorovich. And now Jack was gone too. He was alone.

Sometimes, Alex would sit in the living room couch and stare at the wall. He would spend hours just sitting there like a lifeless doll and just thinking, remembering. His heart would ache and silent tears would fall from his eyes. Eyes that showed how miserable he truly was. It was a depressing sight if anyone were to come across it. So Alex only let himself break down when he was alone at home occasionally, just so he could feel. Feel the raging emotions that he always kept locked inside the darkest pits of his heart. Most of the time it was because he was sick of feeling so _numb_. To the point where he couldn't feel even if he tried to. Perhaps it was just another of his masochistic tendencies. Perhaps it was his plea for help to a merciless world that could do him no good in picking up the broken pieces of his life. He didn't know himself. He was far too shattered by the weariness that he could feel deep in his bones. Alex had thought of giving up completely before; yet he didn't. He may not care much for his wretched life anymore, but he had sworn that he would make sure SCORPIA was going down with him at the very least. He wasn't about to break that vow.

Today was one of those days that Alex decided to sit down and mope. Although he could tell that this particular method in making himself feel emotions was losing its effect fast. He couldn't dredge up an ounce of emotion to feel today. No regret, no anger, no sadness, no bitterness... nothing. Just a rather oddly pleasant numbness that he was getting familiar with more and more each day. But still, he stared at the wall in his living room even when there was nothing left to feel.

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**A/N: Hello. This is my first FF so I hope you enjoyed it. I'm new to writing FF so some constructive criticism and reviews would be nice. **

**I have no idea when the next update will be but I'll try to get it up ASAP. Some ideas would be appreciated, too. Thanks for reading.  
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	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**A/N: Honestly? I'm really glad you all took the time to read this FF of mine. Thanks for all the reviews, faves, follows and the like. I really appreciate it. I hope you'll continue reading and I'm sorry for the slow update. It took me awhile to get the writers block out of the way and life is busy. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this chapter!  
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**Chapter Two: Back to Hell**

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"You know you cannot escape, Alex." A familiar voice, Tom's, whispered into his ear. Alex spun around but could find no one there. No one was here in the dark abyss with him. But he could still hear them speaking, telling him lies and half-truths. Sometimes, they told him the truth. And the truth hurts; especially when they were told by the voices of those he held close in his heart.

"Why do you pretend? You are a murderer that feels no remorse for your sins; and yet you pretend to be a lost little lamb." Sabina Pleasure's voice echoed around him as Alex tries to blindly grope around in the darkness. He knew he would go nowhere even when he tried to navigate around the endless black abyss, but he still tried.

Ben Daniel's usually cheery voice sounded remorseful as he spoke. "You've lost it, Alex. You're insane. Just like all the other madmen in this world."

Alex finds himself falling all of a sudden. Just like how Alice fell into the rabbit hole to Wonderland – he was falling into his very own personal hell. It feels like he had just jumped off a plane in the air, with the wind smarting his cheeks and ruffling his blonde hair wildly. He could hear Ian Rider laughing mockingly at him as he fell, not knowing when he would stop. Or _if_ he would ever stop.

"How pathetic. I thought you were stronger than that, Little Alex." This time, it's Yassen's voice that travels through the atmosphere, cutting through the air and piercing Alex's heart at the disappointment he could detect in the tone. He didn't understand why Yassen's words would cause him to feel that way or why the Russian contract killer – the man who had murdered Ian, was his father's student, and had spared his life more than once – was among those he held dear, but he was sure of one thing; Yassen was right. He was pathetic. He couldn't stop his carnal desires to lose control and give in. He couldn't stop himself from turning into a soulless weapon. A monster that harmed those surrounding it both intentionally and unintentionally.

"You failed me, Alex. I'm dead because of you." Jack's voice accused as he blinked back tears that were blurring his vision, though there was only darkness. Her words hurt the worst.

Alex wanted to deny it. He wished he could apologize. He wanted to tell them that he didn't mean any of it; that it wasn't his fault that Tragedy loved to harass him and tag along since he was born. But he couldn't find his own voice. And so he continued to fall whilst listening to the voices of those who had managed to sneak into his heart somehow in one way or another as he suffered in silence.

* * *

With a jolt, Alex's eyes snapped open and he sat up gasping silently as he took in his surroundings with frantic brown eyes. The cold sweat made his hair plaster to his neck and forehead in a wild mess, his slightly longer blonde hair had not been cut since the mission in Egypt after Jack's death. He had vowed to not cut his hair until his revenge was complete and he was satisfied. It was a physical reminder for himself.

Realization hits him like a brick and he sagged in relief, allowing his tense muscles to relax. He was in his own bed. It was just a dream. Sure, it was a nightmare in some sense; but it was just a dream. He found it odd that a single dream could startle him so much on the inside to the point that his usually stagnant emotions were in turmoil. Was the dream a reflection of the feelings he had suppressed inside him? Was that how he actually felt about himself? Did he feel that he was a deranged monster that should be put down or locked up in a dark cell with the key thrown away? Did he truly think that he was a lost cause?

Raising a hand to cover his face as he tried to even out his breathing, Alex shook his head and chuckled bitterly. He couldn't figure out the answer so he shoved those annoying sentiments back where they belonged; in a dark corner of his mind that was seldom visited. The numbness that he usually felt during his waking hours of the day was slowly but gradually returning. He must have let his guard down a little too much while he was busy moping and staring at the wall of his living room. A mistake like that could have gotten him killed if he was on a mission. Was it a good thing that he wasn't on another suicide mission where he was often running for his life at the moment then?

Glancing at the glowing numbers of the digital clock on his bedside table, Alex frowned and sighed deeply. It was the middle of the night and he somehow knew that he would not be able to fall back into sleep for the rest of the night. He hadn't had any dreams anymore ever since Jack's death. They once haunted him in his sleep, but had stopped abruptly after the incident. It seemed that they were back whenever he let his guard down nowadays.

Alex knew that he had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and that it was rather serious. One of the many psychologists that MI6 had assigned to him had been the one to piece it all together from Alex's behavior. He was diagnosed with PTSD soon after, but that particular psychologist was found dead, the body floating in the River Thames with obvious signs of hardcore torture involved. Needless to say, it was a gruesome sight.

And of course, Alex had been the one who committed the crime; if only because of the fact that he disliked anyone knowing about him or the tragedy that was his life, and that people who delved into his mind were never intact again, whether mentally or physically. So naturally, when someone smart was able to piece the puzzle together, they would be stopped from ever going any further. Blunt and Mrs Jones had their suspicions on the culprit of course, but there was no proof at all left at the crime scene. Alex was too good at what he did and his alibi was flawless.

Once his breathing had evened out properly, Alex looked around his room once more and took in the sight of his black blanket and one of his pillows lying harmlessly on the marble tiles that made up the flooring in his room. He must have kicked them down sometime when he was asleep. Reaching down, Alex scooped them up and placed them on his bed carelessly before proceeding to stand up and stretch. He then went to his bathroom to take a quick shower.

When he examined his reflection after stripping his clothes, Alex smiled as he trailed a finger over his mutilated torso. The bullet wound near his heart was the most prominent, as the shiny scar tissue was an angry red that didn't match his skin color. He had other bullet wounds on his body though none were quite glaringly obvious. The rest of his scars were mostly faded while the lacerations on his back were still healing, thus they looked like jagged pink lines covering most of his lower back. They were from a whipping session with SCORPIA right when he was held captive by Razim; before Jack's death. The only wound Alex currently had that was rather fresh was the knife wound he had gotten from his latest mission. It would still bleed occasionally but Alex didn't bandage it up. He found bandages annoying and would rather leave his 'minor' injuries be unless it might get infected.

When his finger reached the knife wound on the right side of his torso, he pressed his finger into the unhealed wound. It hurt a lot when he did that, but Alex relished the sensation of burning pain. After he was done prodding the wound, Alex lifted the bloodied digit up and inspected it with morbid fascination. The crimson of his blood made his smile grow wider. Done with his inspection, Alex licked his finger, sucking the blood and enjoying the rusty taste of the crimson liquid.

After licking his finger clean, he stepped into the shower and turned the water to a scalding hot temperature. Soon, his fair skin turned a slight red as he stood under the jet of hot water. Watching the blood from his wound mix together with the water with a lazy gaze, Alex chuckled darkly. He truly was messed up it seems. The problem was, he didn't _want_ to be fixed; yet he wanted to be saved at the same time. What a ridiculous contradiction – or at least, that was what Alex thought of himself – that didn't make sense most of the time.

Sometimes, Alex wondered if he would still be a normal schoolboy, full of naivety and innocence; had he not been shoved into the monochrome world of espionage, assassinations and conspiracies. But somewhere at the back of his mind, Alex knew that his past would find ways to catch up with him. Being a Rider meant that the past had everything to do with the future. It was possibly something that he could never escape till the day he died.

When he was done with his shower, Alex changed into a gray long sleeved shirt and black jeans. He didn't dry his hair even though it was longer than he ever had before and would take awhile for it to dry by itself. Since it was pretty late and he couldn't sleep, he decided to pack for his trip to Brecon Beacons. There was nothing better for him to do anyway. PTSD could be rather annoying at times.

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The next day found Alex sitting idly in his last class of the day, History, doodling into his workbook while the teacher droned on. After packing the night away, he had decided to come to school early. He didn't take his car again because he wanted to walk. There was no rush after all. He reached the school an hour early even after he had taken frequent pit-stops to stall time. He had spent time by entering a cozy little cafe near his house before moving on to a bookstore nearby.

Upon reaching school, he had waited for Tom to arrive while leaning against the school gates and listening to his iPod. The only reason was so he could inform Tom that he was leaving and wouldn't be back for a while. When he was done, Alex went on with his classes, leaving a disheartened Tom behind. He knew Blunt would send a car to pick him up right after school so he had brought his duffel bag which consisted of a few changes of clothing and pictures of his family with him to school.

When the bell rang, Alex smiled and got up from his seat. He was rather happy to go stay with the SAS, since he wouldn't be surrounded with the illusion of a perfect world at the camp. There would be no children who lived in their own little safe bubble of ignorance and bliss in Brecon Beacons. He would be have more freedom to be himself and not keep up any pretenses of being an innocent little lamb when in reality, he was a bloodthirsty predator surrounded by weak prey. Blunt had clearly miscalculated if he thought that sending Alex to Brecon Beacons was a punishment at all.

As he walked out of the school compound, Alex strode up to the black nondescript car, that was obviously from MI6, waiting at the gate. They stood out too much among the other cars and made Alex wonder what MI6 was thinking. They were supposed to be spies, for the love of God! Without any hesitation, he dumped his duffel bag inside and entered the car. The two agents in the car had been expecting another agent, perhaps disguised as a teacher or office worker to enter. Yet instead, it was a leanly muscled teenaged boy with shoulder length fair hair tied up in a half ponytail with his bangs hanging in his eyes and framing the side of his handsome face that would attract plenty of girls, clad in gray and black with a duffel bag slung onto his broad shoulders. To say they were surprised was an understatement.

Noticing that the car was not moving, Alex huffed impatiently at the two adults. "Well? Get going! Or are we going to magically reach Wales?"

The agent who was at the wheel frowned but started to drive. He had been working for MI6 for a long time and knew not to question orders; however bizarre they were. But the agent sitting at shotgun was a youngster that had been recently introduced to the world of espionage. He didn't know better. "What the hell? You're just a bloody kid!" he exclaimed and shot an incredulous look at Alex.

Alex raised an eyebrow at the man and smirked cockily just to infuriate the man. He could tell he was new to the business from the way he acted. "Yes. Now deal with it and do your job. You won't be able to go into the field if you question everything." he retorted.

The agent, now dubbed as 'newbie' in Alex's mind, gaped. "Wha-! How do you-?!" Alex rolled his eyes and muttered something about 'incompetent fools' under his breath.

The elder agent stayed silent as he observed the odd boy sitting at the back through the rear view mirror. The boy seemed comfortable in his skin with the way he held himself. He also had an air of confidence around him. Seeing as his junior was still gaping like a fish, the elder agent decided to snap him out of it. It was unprofessional and if a teen could keep his composure then surely an adult should be able to. He nudged the newbie as he drove. The younger agent stopped gaping immediately and averted his eyes that were still wide with disbelief. The entire ride was filled with silence after that.

* * *

When they reached Brecon Beacons, Alex got out of the car without any parting words to the two agents inside and slugged his duffel bag onto his shoulder. He took his time to walk towards the Sergeants office that looked exactly the same as all the other huts in the mud filled camp grounds. Even the infirmary looked like the rest of the buildings situated in the camp. They were all a boring brown that seemed to meld into the background of the camps similarly muddy tone of color. The only difference the office and infirmary had was that both building had a sign on the door to show what the building was for. But if you didn't look closely enough, the sign could be entirely overlooked as it was small and shared the same brown the building had.

Without even knocking, Alex pushed the door open silently and stepped in. He didn't stand to attention even though it was considered as something that everyone should do when meeting someone with a higher rank. Alex dropped his bag to the ground and slumped into one of the chairs that were rarely used seeing as the soldiers always stood when in the office unless being told to sit.

There was one other man inside the office including the Sergeant. It was Wolf. The unit leader didn't look pleased to see Alex at all, judging by the frown on his face. Really, people were so _happy_ to see Alex all the time. It was no wonder that he was a favorite amongst many people who'd like to see him kicking the bucket.

Seeing as the other two men were still rather shocked by Alex's blatant show of disrespect, Alex decided to take the initiative to speak up. "Hiya, Sarge. You should work on your gaping fish look. Needs improvement." Alex commented in a manner that seemed relaxed and his voice came out sounding lazy.

The Sergeant seemed to have realized that Cub had spoken, so he promptly shut his mouth and started to glare as he scrutinized the teen. MI6 had informed him of Cub's return to camp, for whatever reason God knew; but they hadn't mentioned that Cub had respect issues. He didn't receive a file on Cub either. What happened to the kid to make him change like that? The Cub that had first came to the SAS training grounds was a silent and serious kind of person that had no problems with obeying orders and would have made a great soldier had he been older. Even though he didn't know Cub personally at all, it was still obvious that there was something odd about the current Cub. He just couldn't quite place what the problem was.

Wolf was feeling insulted and angry that Cub was so disrespectful. He had been informed about Cub's return and couldn't help but feel annoyed. Cub was just a kid, so what was he doing in an army camp full of soldiers? He was also confused at the teen who had saved his career by kicking him out of the plane. Wasn't the thing at the the Point Blanc Academy in France just a one time thing? What had Cub gotten into now?

"Cub, you shall be staying with K-Unit during the duration of your stay. K-Unit will be in charge of your combat assessment and you will follow their schedule. Dismissed." the Sergeant barked out, completely disregarding the lack of respect Cub showed. He didn't want to let the soldiers think that he was being lenient to the kid, but some instinct at the back of his mind seemed to be warning him not to push any of Cub's buttons. Being a soldier, Sergeant Wallace had worked in the field before he was promoted. And his instincts were one of the reasons that he was a survivor amongst many other soldiers. They had never failed him. So he was puzzled as to the appearance of his long dormant instincts but didn't question it. He could ponder about the situation after he had acquired more information on Cub. The boy was an enigma indeed.

Alex grinned and winked at the Sergeant when he was dismissed. He grabbed his duffel bag from the ground where he had carelessly dropped it and turned to exit the Sergeant's office after standing up. Wolf trailed after Alex in contemplative silence. If he were to be honest with himself, Wolf was rather worried. He had gained a dose of healthy respect towards Cub after the mission at Point Blanc and watching the kid snowboard down the mountain on an ironing board. The blowing up of a helicopter with a snowmobile part helped too. But the Cub he had just met seemed to be very different compared to the Cub that had trained with two years ago. He didn't know how old the teen truly was and that was worrying too. What in the world could Cub possibly be involved in?

When they reached the hut that K-Unit stayed in for their refresher course, which was the same one the unit had bunked in originally during their training, Wolf put a hand on Alex's shoulder. Alex tensed up slightly, his body automatically shifting into an inconspicuous stance to defend himself as he spun around to face Wolf. He raised an eyebrow at the soldier, urging him to speak.

"Why were you sent back, Cub? This isn't a playground." Wolf asked quietly, concern showing in his voice but he looked as if he didn't particularly cared. His poker face was good, but not good enough for Alex, who had seen better.

Alex relaxed and grinned a feral smile that was all teeth, making him look positively dangerous in the dimming evening light. "That's for me to know. Not for you to find out." he replied cheekily, before opening the door to the hut, therefore cutting off anything that Wolf would have wanted to say.

Inside the hut, Alex scanned the room. There were three other men inside, along with two pairs of double-deckered beds lined up against the walls on each side. At the sight of the men, Alex paused. One of them, he knew quite well and had worked with him on several missions in the past. With a excited smile, Alex dropped his bag, then threw himself onto the black haired man's lap and hung his arms around said man who was sitting on the bottom bunk on the right bed. "Ben!" he exclaimed delightedly, like a child that had just gotten his favorite candy.

Ben had a look of surprise on his face and gently hugged the blonde back. "Alex, what are you doing here?" he asked, the affection for the boy in his arms clear in his Liverpudlian accented voice.

"That's what I should be asking you! I thought you were on a mission? Did you go back to the SAS? If so, then when? Why didn't you tell me? I would've came here immediately!" Alex rattled question after question, without giving Ben a chance to answer. He pouted in a childish manner that made him look younger than his sixteen years of age as he waited for Ben to reply. Before Ben could answer however, he was beaten by an irritated sounding Eagle.

"Cub? Wait a minute. What in the world in is going on here? And how did you know Fox's real name?" he demanded with a confused expression as he looked between Alex and Ben.

Alex grinned wryly and replied in a quiet and eerie voice, "It's none of your business, Eagle." He had an unrecognizable look in his eyes as he said those words. It sounded like he was threatening Eagle; that he had better not ask anything or else he would end up in a rather unpleasant situation. Eagle shuddered involuntarily, although it wasn't obvious, at the teen's odd behavior. Why did he feel intimidated with just one retort from Cub?

Ben stiffened when Alex had replied. He understood the implications of what Alex was saying explicitly and didn't wish for Eagle to get on the bad side of Alex. Ben knew Alex well enough that he could decipher the meanings behind most of Alex's words by now. Alex was like the endearing little brother that he didn't have. Albeit, he was a little brother with loads of emotional baggage and messy complications tagging along.

"Eagle. Don't." he warned and shot a glare at the blonde soldier, his dark eyes serious without a trace of the usual cheer in them. A tense silence filled the room at that. What could make the normally laid-back Fox so serious like that? The only times he was ever that serious was when the subject of his employment in Special Operations or his missions were involved.

Still confused, Eagle frowned, but obliged with Fox's request. Like the rest of his unit, Eagle didn't expect Cub to suddenly return after two years just when they were having their refresher course. He hadn't even thought that he would meet the kid who went through selection with them again. But Fox's behavior upon hearing Cub's words were more than a little suspicious; as if he knew something and wasn't telling the rest of them.

Snake, who had been observing from the sidelines, chose that moment to speak, breaking the tense atmosphere which seemed to affect everyone except Cub alone. "Good to have you back, Cub."

Alex got off from Ben's lap and turned to smile at Snake. The team's medic was the only one who had not treated him badly when he was with them the first time round. "It's good to be back, Snake." Alex replied cheerily before adding, "Very good, indeed. I wish I could stay here forever!" Snake kept his expression neutral and nodded before returning to his reading his medical book. He had always been an impassive person, so it was very hard to shake his calm and throw him off balance. It was one of the reasons why he was one of the best medics in the SAS currently. He didn't react; he acted.

Wolf, having moved to sit on his own bed below Snake's, tried to make a conclusion of the situation. Cub's wish to stay at Brecon Beacons was odd and rather disturbing. What person with a sane mind would _want_ to stay at a training camp for soldiers willingly? Especially when it was a training camp for the elite of the country.

"Anyway, you still haven't told me why you're here in the first place, Ben." Alex shot a glare at the man as he spoke, even though it wasn't Ben's fault that Eagle had interrupted him before he could say anything before.

Ben sighed and ruffled a hand through his black hair, troubled. He knew that he was one of the few people that Alex trusted with his life in the world and he was honored for the privilege. Alex had severe trust issues and it wasn't easy to gain the younger spy's trust at all. It had taken quite an amount of time and many mentally stressful missions together as partners for Alex to start trusting Ben. And so, even if he knew that Alex would not like the answer, Ben would not lie to the boy he treated as his younger brother. "I got sent here for a refresher course after I was tortured. K-Unit happened to have theirs at the same time and seeing as they hadn't been able to find a proper replacement for me, I was appointed to stay with them until I was deemed 'healthy' enough to work in the field again." he ended quietly, reluctance obvious in his tone and the way he flinched when he mentioned the torture. He certainly didn't want to talk about it.

Alex growled, sounding much like a rabid animal that hadn't eaten for many days. His serious brown eyes glinted dangerously in the artificial light emanating from the light bulb hanging from the ceiling in the middle of the hut. All of his previous childish attitude had disappeared at this new knowledge. "Who was it?" he snarled, anger evident in his tone.

Ben, being privy to the fact that Alex was mentally unstable, shifted uncomfortably. He hoped Alex would not go into one of his odd mood swings that destroyed nearly everything in it's wake. "You know who. _Them_." Ben said in a tired voice, referring to SCORPIA. Alex growled again. "But I managed to get out. I'll be fine, Al. I'm here right now, aren't I?" he hastily added, trying to calm the mad teen. He had also reverted to using the nickname he had for Alex, which was a shortened version of his name.

Alex was itching to get his hands on something and mutilate it until it couldn't be recognized. But he controlled his temper and instead focused on Ben in the present. SCORPIA will _suffer_ by his hands. They had dared to touch what he deemed precious once again. Aside from Tom, Ben was the only other true friend he had. But unlike Tom, Ben understood Alex and his actions. He may not approve of his methods in many things nowadays, but Ben understood Alex's reasons for it. Tom was just a civilian that could only imagine what it was like. Ben had lived through some of it together with Alex.

"Why didn't Alan or Tulip tell me? Damn them." Alex said in a deceivingly calm manner, his hands were curling into fists at his side where he sat beside Ben on the bed. Ben chuckled sadly in reply. "You know why, Al. They were worried about what you would do."

Cub, or Alex, as Fox called him, grimaced at the reply. Ben shot Alex a meaningful look that promised him that the details would be told at a later time, when they didn't have a curious audience listening to every word.

The rest of K-Unit were confused but didn't dare to disturb or interrupt the intense conversation going on between Fox and Cub. Instead they quietly listened on to the odd conversation that spoke volumes but revealed little to no information on the subject. Also, the fact that Fox was actually willingly telling Cub about the reason for being sent to Brecon Beacons after Cub asked just once, was amazing in itself. It had taken them a whole month to get Fox to tell them anything about it and even then, it was just facts that were devoid of any details. He was a tight-lipped man. Plus, the way they interacted with each other showed that they were comfortable around each other and their bond was really strong. Cub's anger at hearing Fox's confession of having been tortured was also rather scary. They didn't understand the extent of Cub's anger and what had caused it. Sure, they themselves had been furious when they found out that Fox had been tortured; but they were glad he had survived. But Cub seemed to know who the mysterious group who tortured Fox were. And the way he clenched his fists in controlled anger made it seem as if he knew them personally and would want to exact revenge on them. What exactly was Cub involved in that he would have such a close relationship with Fox, and that he knew things that Fox knew, but they didn't? Was Cub actually involved in the world of espionage like Fox?

It was a horrifyingly mind sobering thought, for a mere child to be in that kind of world that nearly broke Fox.

Wolf having had heard enough, needed time to digest the information and decide on what to do with the current situation, so he stayed uncharacteristically quiet. Usually, he would be the first to say something without using any tact seeing as he had a lack of it. But this time, he was too confused on the inside to make a clear decision on how to treat the latest addition of their unit. Was he supposed to treat Cub like a soldier or treat him like a kid? Or was it both?

Being the observant man that he was, Snake saw that Wolf was having trouble coming to a decision regarding the sudden situation. And so, he decided to take over temporarily as he knew that Wolf wouldn't mind. But only if it were the red haired Scottish man that did it though. If Eagle or Fox tried to lead the unit when Wolf was preoccupied however, the well-built Hispanic unit leader would behave truly like his namesake; like an Alpha Wolf having his position threatened by another of its pack. "I think we should go to the mess hall now. Or we won't be getting any dinner." Snake said before adding, "Also, I suggest you change, Cub." He was referring to Alex's casual attire that he had worn straight from school. It would make Alex stand out too much and he was required to change into the army fatigues when on camp grounds at all times. There was no exceptions to that rule except that recruits yet to pass selection had to wear the beret at all times while those who were on their refresher courses and those who had just returned from active service to recover from injuries did not have to.

The green eyed Scot closed his book and stood up, heading to the door. Eagle, who although was bursting with curiosity, followed after Snake like a little chick following its mother. Snake could be really scary when he was angry; perhaps more so than Wolf. He didn't want to risk it and be gutted with a scalpel in his sleep. Sometimes, the sharpshooter felt like he was trapped between a rock and a hard place. His unit could be _really_ intense at times. Some of the other soldiers often wondered how Eagle managed to survive living with his unit seeing as his personality was so... _not_ intense. There was no other way to describe the blue eyed soldier named after the King of Birds, really.

Wolf shot Snake a grateful look that he wouldn't admit to if asked. The Scot nodded minutely in acknowledgment as they walked. Alex and Ben walked together at the back of the unit – since Ben had waited for Alex to change into the standard SAS uniform – with Ben watching Alex warily from the corner of his eyes in case Alex did something rash or lost control. Ben was the only person that could stop Alex when he lost control so far; as he was the only who had survived Alex when the spy wasn't aware of his actions and acting on pure instinct. It just showed how much Alex trusted Ben whether he was conscious of the fact or not.

"You'd better tell me everything about your capture later, Ben." Alex suddenly spoke up quietly. Ben nodded and said nothing. "How did you get involved with SCORPIA again anyway? I thought Alan had ordered us to stay away from them after that last mission we had together to let things cool down."

Ben winced. He didn't like remembering. It was partly due to his own carelessness in the first place. "Remember that we didn't manage to clear out all of the members from that base during our last mission? One of the rookies that survived had recognized me when I was on a solo mission. He had joined another organization – which was the one I had to infiltrate – and thought that SCORPIA would pay him a hefty sum to have me in their clutches. He was right."

Alex took a deep breath and sighed audibly. He shook his head as if showing how exasperated he was feeling. There was nothing more he could have said, however furious he was. The gory details could wait for later when they had more privacy and time.

* * *

The SAS soldiers currently in the mess hall continued with their dinner and conversations, not paying mind to the slightly late K-Unit's appearance. It was not unusual for them to be late sometimes.

The rest of K-Unit, having not heard the silent conversation between Fox and Cub before entering the mess hall, went straight to the line so they could get the food. Alex and Ben followed right behind and stood in line to get the slop they called 'food'.

Alex was starting to gain attention from the other units and recruits that were in the mess hall as he was a new face that was walking along with the seasoned veteran K-Unit. Adding to the fact was that he had his shoulder length hair tied in a half ponytail which was unusual seeing as most, if not all, of the soldiers had theirs cut into a short hairstyle.

No one went up to confront Alex as he grabbed his tray of slop and sat down with K-Unit at their regular table. The teen exuded an aura that made him seem unapproachable and lethal even if he did nothing to show it. Though he didn't exactly look like a schoolboy – with his world weary eyes and soldiers gait as he walked – he definitely looked too young to be in the SAS. If he was in the regular army then perhaps it was possible that he had joined straight out of school; but to pass selection for the SAS was not something a soldier with no experience whatsoever in the field could do. They were the elite for a reason.

Whispering started to break out among the soldiers in the hall. K-Unit, though aware that the topic was mainly focused on Cub, did nothing and acted as usual. They ate in silence. That is, until Alex began to speak. "Did you receive my files, Wolf?"

The unit leader shook his head and continued to eat without breaking his pace. Alex frowned. That would make things somewhat complicated and irritating for him. Typical of Blunt to send Alex somewhere without anything that he truly needed. In the end, it was up to Alex to settle things himself. At least he had Ben here with him. It should make things easier to explain when he needed to give an explanation regarding anything that might happen. And knowing his luck of the devil, things were bound to get messy somehow or rather.

"Not even my medical reports? Nothing?" Alex asked again, hoping that Blunt at least had enough sense to let the Sergeant know about his mild case of 'insanity'. He didn't like to explain or tell people about his condition. People had stupid reactions when they were enlightened by the knowledge of his unstable mental state. They often tended to act like he was going to grab a knife and randomly start gutting people. Alex snorted in his mind at that thought. Yeah, like he'd waste his time doing something as stupid as that – although he had been rather tempted at times when meeting with particularly irritating or stupid people. He'd rather save the randomly gutting part for SCORPIA.

"No. The Sarge said that he didn't receive any files on you." Wolf replied, mind still elsewhere.

"Fuck." Alex swore to himself. Ben's eyebrows knitted in worry even as he ate. He knew how much Alex hated giving out information to anyone. He was naturally a secretive person even before he had gone somewhat mental due to everything that had happened to him in his short life. Alex had always argued with Ben that he _wasn't_ insane. He just didn't have a conscience to hold him back anymore. There was a difference, Alex would say.

Snake raised an eyebrow at hearing the expletive but made no comment. It was rather common for people to swear. He only found it unexpected since he didn't think Cub was the type to swear at all. The kid had been the poster boy for politeness when he was with them during selection two years ago.

"Why would it matter if we received your files? Heck, why would you even have a file anyway, Cub?" Eagle piped up curiously.

Alex shrugged and decided to ignore the man in favor of finishing the last bits of his dinner. He quickly stood up when he was done seconds later and grabbed his tray in a swift movement, dumped his tray in the container for those on kitchen duty to clear up later, and left the mess hall with many eyes trained on his lithe figure.

* * *

**A/N: Tell me what you think! Thanks for reading!**


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